The most profitable blog in the world.

Google Banned Me and Won’t Pay

April 20th, 2008 by Jesse Labrocca

Well it seems I am totally screwed. Google has sent me an email making claims that my clicks were fraudulent and according to their Terms Of Service they are cancelling my account. I don’t really care except they are also saying they aren’t going to pay me. I plan on getting a lawyer BIG-TIME and suing their asses off for billions. It’s just not fair I got banned but it’s criminal they are keeping my money. It’s almost $2.5 million at this point. How can they do this?

I also plan to contact as many media outlets as I can. I might even make a press release. The bad publicity Google will get surely will cause them to lose billions in market capital as their stock plummets. I really won’t stand for this type of crap. If anyone has some advice I would really appreciate it. Also if any lawyers want to help me out and get them to settle I am willing to offer 25% of whatever you can muscle from them. I am willing to take this to the Supreme Court if I have to.

I am also uninstalling that stupid Google Toolbar. It’s worthless anyways. None of my pages have Pagerank and that’s not cool. From now on…I plan to use Yahoo! for all my searches too. I tried to register but it’s already taken by some other unhappy Google person. I may have to do a whois lookup and make an offer for the domain. I am sure they can’t want more than a few bucks for it. Besides I would be doing them a favor by making a kick ass site about how much Google does suck.

Of course I also removed all their ads. I am still hopeful I can make a lot of money though. The guys from Coca-Cola are still interested and I sent that media kit to about 30 places.  If even one of them buys ads I might be making hundreds of thousands again.  I gotta hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I just did an Yahoo! search for “google sucks” and there are 124,000 results. That should tell you something about this company.

Thank goodness I didn’t buy that island in the Bahamas yet. I would be totally farked if I did.

Anyone have any advice for me?

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Buying an Island

April 18th, 2008 by Jesse Labrocca

Being so incredibly wealthy from my Fruny Business I have decided to place an offer on an island that’s available off the coast of the Bahamas. So far it’s looking good. The island is already setup with some utilities like running water (from a well), satellite internet, and a set of native families that would make for great employees. The only downside is that the southern end of the beach has a rather poor section full of rocks and rough water. I guess no island is perfect but after surveying four of them this was within my budget and had the most to offer.

Here is a picture of me on the island.

Doesn’t it look great? I would like to offer more pictures but I haven’t purchased it yet. Right now I have a bid of $6 million. They are asking $8 million and I might go that high but let’s see if I can save some money first. Since I have nearly $2 million made this month I can have this island paid for by end of summer.

I know that some of you might be jealous but I promise that for my loyal fans I will be throwing a party once the deal closes and I will be flying down the top 50 commenters on the site. Yeah, I got it like that.

Posted in Fruny Business | 1 Comment »

How I made $1.6 million dollars in 2 weeks.

April 16th, 2008 by Jesse Labrocca

Here is a screenshot of my past 2 weeks in adsense where I racked in over $1.6 million dollars.

1.6 Million in just over 2 weeks

Some of you are obviously skeptical of my success but no matter. I am not an incredibly rich man. Adsense is way to get rich quick for any blogger. It takes almost no work and the clicks just keep on coming. Success is now my middle name. I must admit the first few days of the month weren’t as good for me but within a week I was in the 60-figure a day income range. What was difficult was finding a way to spend all my money. Google called me up to congratulate me. I guess being the most profitable blog in the world has gotten their attention.

Making about $2 million in a single month is going to change my life. It will without doubt set my life on a new track. My children will be well cared for. I have gotten two offers for the site already. One was from Bill Gates who seemed a bit upset over the phone. He wanted to know why my blog was more successful than his. The other was George W. Bush (yes our president) asking if I would do a favorable review of his performance. When I said I really can’t do that he straight up offered me a couple oil wells in Texas. When I turned that down I heard him asking Cheney “Hey, can we get this guy a couple billion for Iraq contracts through Haliburton?”…rather shocking ain’t it.

The title of this blog post is how I made the $1.6 million so fast. Well the answer is simple. Click fraud. I told every one of my friends to click away. I went to the library and used every computer. I went to a college and handed out flyers asking people to click as much as possible. It was truly a grass-roots effort. I know what some of you are thinking. That click fraud is against the Google TOS. Well yeah…technically but do you really think they care? I am sure they made a cool million or maybe even more off my blog. So for all my inspiring bloggers…click away. Click every damn one of your own ads. Heck…click on your friends, click on your mom’s and best of all click on mine.

Posted in Fruny Business | 1 Comment »

Coca-Cola Responds

April 6th, 2008 by Jesse Labrocca

Today Coca-Cola surprisingly answered my email. They wanted something called a media-kit. I have to be honest I was forced to Google it. It turns out a media-kit is what they call a portfolio for advertisers. It helps them decide on ads. It includes all types of nifty statistics and normally complete pricing. I spent a little time using Adobe Acrobat and created a quick PDF. Check out the Fruny Media Kit.

It took me a couple hours to make that so let’s hope it works.  As you can see from the PDF the sites gets nearly 250 million page views a month (wink wink).  Let’s hope they don’t check my Alexa ranking though. If they do I will have to come up with some crazy excuse why I am not ranked.

Now that I am past creating that damn PDF I am pretty happy about the possibility of Coca-Cola being a direct advertiser for my Fruny readers.  I personally love diet Coke.  Although they seem to mess around with the formula a bit too much.  I don’t want to give them too much free publicity.  They gotta pay my rates if they want a full writeup.

Anyone else interested in advertising here just read that PDF Media Kit and send me a contact.

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Please Help Me Become A Millionaire

April 1st, 2008 by Jesse Labrocca

Today is my first blog post. I have ads all over the site so I need everyone to do me a giant favor and just click away. Tell your friends to do so also. Tell your friends friends. Get your relatives. Call that Uncle you haven’t spoken to in 14 years. Get everyone involved. I want to see how well this does for me. If it does well I can move out of the trailer park into a nicer apartment rental.

I really don’t know what I am doing but it doesn’t look too difficult. Adsense immediately approved me so I guess that’s good. I sent emails to companies like Coca-Cola, Microsoft, and Maytag (the guys who make great washers and dryers) asking if they want to advertise here. I kind of lied about my statistics but no matter…it’s not like they will respond anyways.

So I am asking for your help to become a millionaire. I need you to do everything possible to help me get rich. I have always been poor. I grew up eating rice and beans. On the best days we had Hamburger Helper. My Dad used to beat me too. It wasn’t so bad the beatings but when he got naked it was rather uncomfortable for me to say the least. If I make millions from this blog I promise to donate at least 1% to a charity. I would probably donate to Work To Ride. They are a great charity that helps inner city youth learn the sport of Polo.  One can’t think of a better use for money than that.

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